Drank a cup o' reality at 11:23 a.m. on Tuesday, Jun. 10, 2003
Hey everyone, it’s me, Bevin. I’m ghost writing this entry for The Best Friend. Originally it was because her internet access halted due to her computer getting fixed, but she has it back and I still get to chronicle the traumatizing events of the past weekend.
It all started Saturday night when Spunky went out with The Source. She had been avoiding The Source’s calls pretty much because she didn’t want to hear idle gossip about The Farmer. The Source is good for a couple of things: gossiping and drinking.
Well, since Spunky finished her first full year of her own classroom contracted teaching on Friday, it was time for her to get her drink on and The Source was good for that.
Of course, the side effect of that was hearing all about what The Farmer was up to in his self-imposed absence from Spunky’s social life. Apparently, he was hanging out a lot with New Amy (who I will henceforth refer to as “Ugly Amy”).
When Spunky called me on Saturday night to debrief and told me about this turn of events, I was surprised and annoyed, especially because his month-long absence was supposed to be because he was working a hell of a lot and perhaps doing that boy thing where they freak out when things are going too well.
But at this point, all rumors were unsubstantiated.
The thing you should know about Spunky is that when she gets a bee up her butt about something, she’s going to have to do something about it. Sometimes she calls me to ask if it’s the right thing to do and I can usually tell if the consequences of acting would outweigh the consequences of her sitting around stewing about something. There was no way she could sit around and stew about this stuff. So she dialed up The Farmer and was all chipper on the message. He called her back pretty quickly and they chatted about his brother’s wedding and what-not. Then she popped the question about hanging out sometime.
“Well, that’s not really going to work. I’m actually seeing someone now.”
Here’s where the “What the fuck!?!” comes in! Dude, try being a little less lame next time.
Anyway, so then Spunky says they need to talk about this in person and he keeps refusing and she keeps insisting and he keeps refusing and starts getting mean. Says all kinds of mean things to her, many of which haven’t been repeated to me because Spunky can’t really pick through all of them (she likened the conversation to fruitcake, “Oh, here’s a raisin, and here’s a gross nut, and here’s an unidentifiable piece of candied fruit”—as in she can understand little pieces of it but not all of it and the end result is just ugly). But she said she saw a really ugly side of The Farmer. It was good she saw that side.
Anyway, so after a lot of yelling and him saying things like “You better not come out to my farm! You better not come out to my farm!” (Spunky thinks he doesn’t want her to come onto his property and mess up his nesting with Ugly Amy, I think he just realizes what a colossal asshole he is and recognizes that she might kick his ass or throw paint on his farm equipment).
He was trying to get her to hang up on him so that he wouldn’t have to deal with it, but it didn’t work, Spunky was resolute that she deserved him to break up with her to her face—after a year and change, that is an absolute requirement.
So she met him at some public park on his way home. She was driving 85 to get there in time so he wouldn’t have to wait and then hit a ditch on the way into the park, which inspired the comment as she got out of the car in the parking lot “See, that’s crazy!” from him.
“Well, I was just trying to get here quickly so you wouldn’t have to wait for me” in a bitchy tone—that’s my girl.
Anyway, so then they had a perfectly calm conversation (there’s no way he could have been mean like that to her face) wherein she got to ask the questions she needed to ease her mind.
“My condoms, you’re not using those are you?”
“No, I bought other ones.”
“And you threw away my lube?”
“Yeah.”
“You drank my beer, right? You didn’t let her drink my beer.”
“No, I drank it.”
And then he said something to the effect, “Well, I’ve been in love before [ed. note: HIGH SCHOOL] and I know what love feels like. And I’m in love this time.”
“Well, that’s too bad because I’m in love with you.”
At least she got to say that.
And at least she realized that when her friends all start calling someone “asshole” that it’s time to reevaluate things.
My personal take on the situation is that the man is a moron. I can’t believe he actually is making Spunky freak out about someone who she should never have to compete with. Someone who isn’t even close to being able to see the level that Spunky is on. You just can’t compare someone as hot and marvelous as Spunky 
with someone who is a KNOWN town slut and works at a bar and a golf course. And is also known to be ugly.
I’m sorry, it all doesn’t make sense, but it’s now obvious that The Farmer is never going to get his head out of his ass and do anything but make confused decisions. Which is fine. I hope he gets his confused ass to fall into the hog shit swimming pool a few times.
And at least things are really over this time so that Spunky may travel and process and climb out of this pile of smoke and ashes and date someone way hotter.
Right now she fears that her county may not be big enough for her and The Farmer and his new girlfriend, so she’s extended her stay in Seattle another weekend and is going to escape to California via the bank of Mom and Dad for some time in July.
And she told Gretchen about it so there’s no doubt The Farmer’s name will be smeared all over Southern MN by the end of the week.
I think that we should create this as some sort of email forward to encourage a world-wide boycott of pork products. I know I already do my part as a vegetarian, but now I’ll encourage Haywood not to purchase any dog food with pork products in them. I hope you’ll spread the word. Do not eat bacon!!
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Old Married Lady
And now, I'm old enough for that. - Thursday, Mar. 10, 2005
I don't get it! - Saturday, Feb. 26, 2005
Stardom - Saturday, Feb. 12, 2005
many neuroses - Saturday, Feb. 05, 2005
the week of missed connections - Sunday, Jan. 30, 2005
Miss Spunky is:
a 25 year old English teacher currently on an extended adventure in Minnesota, searching for a good man with a big... truck!
I love:
My students, excessive amounts of coffee, Baja Fresh and a good hockey game.
I dislike:
Ignorance, mosquitoes, and people who write in IM and/or grammar so poor that it is clear that they are lazy. IM is LAZY, LAZY do you hear me???