Drank a cup o' reality at 5:15 p.m. on Friday, Dec. 26, 2003
Is it possible to have too much of old high school friends? It seems that this is the question of the vacation. Now that Christmas is over I am settling into my desire to sit on the couch with my mom and play games with my brother.
I am perfectly content to hang out with my family and friends who I do not see or speak to ever. Perfectly content.
Celece is a dear friend, we have know each other for ages, since we were at least 12. We have gone through a lot. Sometimes she seems to think that this entitles her to tell me things that she shouldn't. When discussing Mr. Math she informed me that because I have soem fears about the rug being pulled out from under me, that I am not over The Farmer. Funny, I think that the fact that I would never be with The Farmer equates that I'm as over him as I need to be. Heartache takes time to heal... I'm as over The Farmer as I need to be inorder to commit to Mr. Math.
So, I came to California for 2 weeks. In a pre-arrival conversation I mentioned to Celece that I was concerned that I would be bored. And, in fact I am bored, but in a good way. Her solution to this was to plan activities for she and I every damn day. We spent Saturday together, Sunday night we went to a comedy club, Monday to the movies and Tuesday skiing. She had plans for Saturday to take me to a birthday party for one of her friends in San Francisco. She also made New Year's Eve plans.
When she called me this afternoon I felt the overwhelming desire to sit on the couch, be a vegetable and not go anywhere.
I am sure that I am getting a cold and I don't want to go home sick.
I told her that San Francisco was fine, but that I wanted to come home in time to go to bed; in my bed; at my parent's house.
I also told her that I was out for New Year's Eve. I said that all I really wanted to do was spend time with my parents. And, you know what? In a way that is really the truth. I never come home and I don't know when I'll see them again. Will I be here in the summer? I don't know, it isn't the plan now.
But, of course, I lied to her. I won't be with my parents on New Years. I have made plans to babysit my favorite boys. There is a family across the street that I babysat for exclusively until I moved. When I couldn't babysit, my brother did. Before they had kids, I took care of their dog. I love those 3 boys and I want 3 exactly like them. I miss them dearly. I would truly rather spend the night with them than anyone else.
I'm considering the mission that I came to California on this time. This summer it was to heal my wounds from The Farmer. This time it is to prepare a part of me for the prospect of not coming back here for a long time. If things work out as hoped with Mr. Math, California will become further and further away. I want to spend time with my family. Mr. Math and I went to our parent's for the holiday's to think about our future together. I am doing my best thinking right here, on the couch in my jammies.
Sorry Celece. I know that I'm being selfish, but so are you. This time we can't be that way together. I'm not here to see you, I'm here to see my family.
WOW, that was a rant. I hope it made sense!
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Old Married Lady
And now, I'm old enough for that. - Thursday, Mar. 10, 2005
I don't get it! - Saturday, Feb. 26, 2005
Stardom - Saturday, Feb. 12, 2005
many neuroses - Saturday, Feb. 05, 2005
the week of missed connections - Sunday, Jan. 30, 2005
Miss Spunky is:
a 25 year old English teacher currently on an extended adventure in Minnesota, searching for a good man with a big... truck!
I love:
My students, excessive amounts of coffee, Baja Fresh and a good hockey game.
I dislike:
Ignorance, mosquitoes, and people who write in IM and/or grammar so poor that it is clear that they are lazy. IM is LAZY, LAZY do you hear me???