Drank a cup o' reality at 10:05 a.m. on Sunday, Jan. 25, 2004
Yep, I spelled it that way on purpose! They are. Boys are D-U-M. Even when they grow up and pretend that they are adults. By this you must know that things are strange with Mr. Math. I know that in the end we will be just fine, we have so much going for us, there has been so much honesty and there is this great friendship that we both really value, but there is just all of this other crap. I am now at a point where I don’t understand or accept it anymore.
When he and I went away for Christmas it was my understanding that our “homework” was to think things through and come back with some semblance of an idea of what we see for us. I did that. He went home and felt sad for a week.
I called him on Monday the 12th for a “We need to talk.” We had a good, albeit unproductive talk. The thing about talking is that we keep having the same conversation over and over again. We are both right, we both care, we are both frustrate, and we both feel bad. We spend a lot of time passing back and forth hockey metaphors and “missing the boat” metaphors. My end contention is that we are tied with 3 minutes left in the 3rd period of this game… he needs to knock off the defense in the neutral zone! All of this is still talking in circles. So, on Monday we talked about only spending time together at work. He said, “I don’t feel that in good conscience I should be doing things alone with you right now, it just leads both of us on.” The major problem is how totally attracted we are to each other.
I went home that night thinking that I was maybe best to give up and move on and move away.
Mr. Math’s Birthday was on Friday the 16th. Mary and I threw him a party complete with present, cards, singing and cake. He was thrilled; he was speechless and flattered. We (I) bought him the new Wild jersey (yes it did cost $75). It seemed like a really good day. It was.
Saturday night I went to bed early after watching the Gopher’s game. I am sure that I was asleep by 10. At 12:30 my phone rang, it was Mr. Math. He was out with the boys and wanted a ride home. I got up, got dressed and was there 10 minutes later. This is the first time he has ever asked me for a ride. And yet, it was a blatant breaking of the pre-established rules.
He had not been able to remember my number and so had asked for a phone book. He was thrilled when I arrived and all of his friends saw he and I walking out of the bar holding hands. It seemed very much like I was his girlfriend coming to pick him up.
Once in the car, he wanted to come over to my house. We talked for a long time and several times I offered to take him home as he looked tired. At one point I said, “Should I take you home, or should we sit here and kiss for a little while?” Later he said, “So… do you want to sit here and kiss for a little while?” We did… it was wonderful I asked if I was taking him home, or if he was staying? “Staying. I’m staying. I don’t have any place else to be.” It was such a loaded statement.
Once in my room, he told me that he was nervous. Sleeping with him was the best feeling ever. We kissed and kissed and made out and giggled and had such fun together. Truly the friendship does make things better. We slept all tangled up in each other all night long. When he would wake up, he would roll over and snuggle in closer to me. When my feet were cold I would stick them between his. I hardly slept at all, but it was the best night ever. I lay there in his arms and thought and prayed that this would never end. Did I tell you that we sleep on the right sides of the bed (me on the Left, him on the Right!).
In the morning I woke up at 8 and asked if he wanted to go home. He shook his head “No” and said that he “had no other plans.” Later at about 9:30 he woke up and rolled to face me, wrapping his arms all around me and pulling me in. We lay on the same pillow; nose-to-nose all snuggled in together. Then softly and sweetly he kissed me. We lay there kissing each other awake. I want to wake up like that every morning for the rest of my life. So, after a morning make-out session we talked for a long while before I took him home.
It was the best night ever… and I can’t get it out of my head. Waiting is so hard. I’m glad that we aren’t having sex yet as that would only make this more difficult (or would it… ??? Maybe it would totally force the issue?).
Last night I was at Gretchen’s. She called Mr. Math when I was being a chicken. Once I got on the phone I chickened out. I think that I stumbled around the subject of coming over but wasn’t very clear. So, I didn’t go over and he went to bed. And, I’m cranky that he didn’t just ask me over; and I’m cranky that I rocked the boat. And, can’t I ever get horny and want to see him and get to break the rules too?? And mostly I’m cranky that this is all so damn complicated for no good reason.
I’m not seeing where this excessive patience is getting us. And, he is D-U-M for making us wait.
Seeing him everyday and not having him SUCKS. What sucks even more is knowing that he wants me too.
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Old Married Lady
And now, I'm old enough for that. - Thursday, Mar. 10, 2005
I don't get it! - Saturday, Feb. 26, 2005
Stardom - Saturday, Feb. 12, 2005
many neuroses - Saturday, Feb. 05, 2005
the week of missed connections - Sunday, Jan. 30, 2005
Miss Spunky is:
a 25 year old English teacher currently on an extended adventure in Minnesota, searching for a good man with a big... truck!
I love:
My students, excessive amounts of coffee, Baja Fresh and a good hockey game.
I dislike:
Ignorance, mosquitoes, and people who write in IM and/or grammar so poor that it is clear that they are lazy. IM is LAZY, LAZY do you hear me???