Drank a cup o' reality at 6:52 p.m. on Saturday, Jun. 05, 2004
I can’t shake the feeling that I forgot something at work when I left yesterday. Before I walked out I quadruple checked the cabinets, the drawers, the bookcases, the podium, the fridge… all of my possessions have been transferred to this “office” room in my home. I was sure to take it all, but I can’t shake the feeling.
Then I realized that I did, I left behind a big chunk of myself. She’s sitting there in her desk, grading papers, inputting grades-red pen in hand with a Dixon Ticonderoga pencil in her hair, laughing with her students, feet up- talking to Mr. Math or Mary or Brett; the windows are open and the boom-box is playing Ben Folds or country music, her coffee mug from the morning is sitting on the edge of the desk and she has moved on to drinking water from her pink Nalgene bottle. As Mr. Math says, “you know ‘ya-but’s’ live in the woods” her eyes sparkle and a smile breaks out across her face. And she is so completely in the moment. It is eternally Early October for her-it’s beautiful and she is sparkling.
I am enormously grateful that I got to know her. She’s fun.
I left the Small-Sad-School for essentially the last time yesterday. There were a lot of last times in my yesterday. For the last time I pulled into the parking lot to see Mr. Math’s truck. For the last time I walked into the building-bee lining for his room to start off the day with “good mornings” to him and Brett. For the last time I sat in my desk, goofed off on that computer, input grades, sent e-mails, and wrote notes. For the last time I got bored and wandered into Mary’s room to gossip, Brett’s room to cry, and Mr. Math’s room to sit in my spot and talk about everything, but…. And for the last time Brett walked me to my car at the end of the day.
Throughout the morning I did a pretty good job of controlling the tears. Over these last two weeks I have been crying at the drop of a hat. Someone simply has to look at me with consolation in his or her eyes and I’ll cry these big impossible crocodile tears. Everything sets me off!! Mary, Brett and Mr. Math have been good sports, ever ready with the Kleenex.
When we returned from lunch I walked into my room to hear Johnny Paycheck on my boom-box singing “Take This Job and Shove It.” I knew that was a sign from above to go turn in my stuff (keys, grades, inventory, manuals, etc). Mr. Math met me in the hallway. I’m so glad he walked me there, waited with me, sat with me and looked at me finally with that especially pained look in his eyes. The Office/Business Manager is the mom of one of my favorite 8th grade boys. She is a gem. Running down the check list, she asked the same mundane questions she had asked the last 10 teachers, and checked off the boxes. “Grades? Blue Binder? Class Advisor Stuff? Requisitions for next year?!?” She didn’t mean to say it, and after I choked out a, “Nope.” She looked up and started crying, I started crying, Mr. Math started crying. It wasn’t made any better when, while holding me, she added, “Our son is going to miss you desperately.” I handed her my keys as tears rolled down everyone’s cheeks.
From there on out I cried at every hug, every card I received, and every word of “Good Luck” I heard. Before I knew it, it was over and I walked out with my Kate Spade purse, a Banana Republic bag (containing my picture frames and last special stuff), and my Pink Nalgene Water Bottle. In the car the radio played Semisonic’s “Closing Time.”
I met Mr. Math at Applebee’s where he bought me a beer and we talked like we haven’t talked in ages. When he headed off we didn’t say good-bye.
It was the longest-shortest day of my life.
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Old Married Lady
And now, I'm old enough for that. - Thursday, Mar. 10, 2005
I don't get it! - Saturday, Feb. 26, 2005
Stardom - Saturday, Feb. 12, 2005
many neuroses - Saturday, Feb. 05, 2005
the week of missed connections - Sunday, Jan. 30, 2005
Miss Spunky is:
a 25 year old English teacher currently on an extended adventure in Minnesota, searching for a good man with a big... truck!
I love:
My students, excessive amounts of coffee, Baja Fresh and a good hockey game.
I dislike:
Ignorance, mosquitoes, and people who write in IM and/or grammar so poor that it is clear that they are lazy. IM is LAZY, LAZY do you hear me???