Drank a cup o' reality at 1:49 p.m. on Saturday, Jul. 17, 2004
Mr. Math is in town for a golf tournament supporting the local hockey association. In a lot of ways I have been eagerly anticipating his arrival and at the same time tremendously nervous about it. I have been dying to see him for the last month and a half and missing him so much all that time. As I’ve house hunted and prepared myself to move, he has been a constant part of my thoughts. I know that while I will miss many people and places here, I will miss him the most. He is my favorite and I know without a doubt how much I love him.
The thing is that since we discussed my taking 2 students Up North right after school ended, he and I have not had any contact. I’ve e-mailed him 2 times, once to say that it was fine about not coming Up North and the other on the 4th of July to say hey. I have felt his absence and not been sure what it all meant.
Mr. Math is really the first guy I have ever known who I was constantly and completely able to be myself around. And if I wasn’t, he knew me well enough to call me on it. I’ve been able to say anything to him and vice-versa. It has been so comfortable. On my last day in the Small-Sad-School he was my go-to-guy and through this whole process has been a tremendous support. We parted well and casually and I have not wanted to mess that up… the door to our friendship was left open and I have not wanted to move it in the slightest.
All of these things and more were on my mind when Mary called yesterday afternoon to say that she had met him for a drink that she and I would be going out with him et all that night. I wanted to see him so bad and yet I didn’t want to see him if he didn’t want to see me. Anyhow, I picked out a hot tube-top that would show off my tan lines and a pair of tight jeans. Later Mary commented about how quickly he and I slipped into our former conversation pattern where everyone else present seems to disappear and the world only consists of he and I. And we did, we talked about his new niece, his taking over Student Council, our students, and his family. We did not talk about my move more than for him to say, “This is going to be so good for you, you have to see that; this is going to be wonderful for you.” Oh, and he was caught on more than one occasion checking out my tan lines.
Mary and her husband peeled off leaving me with Mr. Math and his buddies. I was the *sober girl and would give them a lift home. We hung around for a bit finishing drinks and goofing around with other hockey boys. After the lights came up Mr. Math and I of his buddies left with me. I dropped off said buddy 1st because I’m not completely stupid. The minute we got in the car, Mr. Math started giving me directions… this is a ridiculous habit of his that never ceases to amaze me.
So, Mr. Math and I sat in his driveway talking and it was like how we were before we got messy. It was comfortable and there was so much to say, we moved from one topic to the next covering the last month’s events. I told him that it was so great just to get to visit with him, that I have missed hearing his stories. And yet he was drunk, and that hung over it all. There was this pause in the conversation and he looked at me and said, “I should go, I should go, I should really go.” Yet, he wasn’t moving a muscle. I just smiled and asked how on earth I was supposed to respond. At which point for the first time in 5 months, the stars aligned and he leaned over and kissed me. To his, “But, you’re leaving.” I replied, “So What.”
I parked my car in the garage (a first time event) and we headed inside stumbling up the steps and through the house as we kissed.
You know, I love being in bed with him because I never worry about anything. It doesn’t have to be perfect or carefully scripted. It is just us and that is wonderful. Interesting that I have gone to bed with Mr. Math on more than one occasion but we have always decided not to have sex. There have always been lots of good reasons and I still support those reasons and don’t for one second regret any of those nights. But, hell if I was going to pass up one more opportunity to have sex with him. So, as we kissed and kissed and talked and kissed he finally asked if it was OK, could we? I said yes.
So, Mr. Math and I finally had sex. The sex itself was pretty crappy drunk sex: uncoordinated and unsuccessful. But, it was with him and therefore it was completely perfect. He felt really bad that it was unsuccessful, but I didn’t I was just so glad to have gotten to be with him. I’ve never had a guy be so concerned about my having a good time and really persisting with it. After, while we were lying there I told him how wonderful he was and we talked about making the most of the weekend. He said one thing that I just don’t quite know what to think of, he said that I “scare” him, but wouldn’t elaborate any further. It makes sense, but I don’t know if I understand it.
And we slept and slept until he had to get up to go get his hair cut this morning at the way too early hour of 8 AM. Sleeping with him is great because he loves to cuddle up and hold me. But, the morning was slightly odd and I don’t know what to make of it. I’m planning on chalking it off to him being hung over and feeling crappy. I’m worried that he might have regrets, which he never has before… but there is a first time for everything. He wouldn’t let me give him a ride for whatever reason and there was no kissing or talking at all. Just up and out the door with a. “see you at the golf course tonight.”
When I came home I called Mary and told her. Then before I went to bed I called and left him a message saying, “Hey, I didn’t get to say this before you left, but I wanted you to know how wonderful last night was. I had a great time and I am really really glad that we did that. Have fun playing golf, drink water and I’ll see you tonight.”
Then I slept for 5 hours! I’ve eaten, written and now, I’m going to take a nap! My fingers are crossed for round 2 of, “Why not? Sex” tonight. But, my question is, will this mess up all that we have built and re-built?
*Sober is a questionable term. I use it to mean that I was the closest to sober having only had 3 beers over 3 hours.
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Old Married Lady
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Miss Spunky is:
a 25 year old English teacher currently on an extended adventure in Minnesota, searching for a good man with a big... truck!
I love:
My students, excessive amounts of coffee, Baja Fresh and a good hockey game.
I dislike:
Ignorance, mosquitoes, and people who write in IM and/or grammar so poor that it is clear that they are lazy. IM is LAZY, LAZY do you hear me???