Drank a cup o' reality at 10:43 p.m. on Saturday, Jun. 21, 2003
Tonight I had a deliciously long conversation with Rachel; we talked until our cell phones gave up. At some point, while discussing the kind of people we are, it dawned on her that we have known each other for 12 years. As long as I have really known any of my friends. Quite the commitment. And what a base of knowledge we can draw from. Later in the conversation she pointedly told me, "Spunky, you are doing excatly what you said you would 12 years ago: You always said you wanted to live in MN and you always wanted to teach Jr. High English. Why should your mom be surprised?" Rachel is right, of course. "Mom isn't so much surprised as she is scared. She knows that I am determined enough to do excatly what I want." I replied. Talking to Rachel is always good for me in the same way that re-reading an old diary grants insight, she knows a piece of me that no one else does: she knows how I became who I am. 12 years, a lot has happened.
But, Rachel and I did not begin our conversation so that we could discuss life and love or for that matter the location of both. New York? LA? Seattle? Southern MN? God knows where? No, I needed to process My Brother's Boyfriend. I hope that I have told you all before, my little brother is gay. He also is no longer so very little at 22 and 5'10". The gay part is surprisingly unsurprising. If you know, you know and it is OK; and if you don't, then God how could you miss it? I could go on and on, tell his coming out story, the first time I knew and the first time My Best Friend knew but that is beside the point.
The point is that Victor is dating a 32 year old guy named Jeff and they have been together for over a year. Don't miss the part where Vic is 22 and Jeff is 32. Perhaps that would not even bother me if Jeff acted 32. He doesn't. I know that in life we are not granted the privledge of choosing our sibling's partners. But, really Jeff is nowhere close to what I want for Vic. I want The MeatEater or Brown Boy; I want intelligence, ambition, fun, conversation and athletics. I want the world for him; I want someone who is capable of giving it to him.
Vic is tremendously intelligent, well read, talented, traveled, and at times ambitious. I have no idea about Jeff. What I do know tells me that he is from a disfunctional family in Eastern Washington, has a BA in Finance and works as a Paralegal. He was going to go to Law School, but has since changed his mind ("I get to do all of the same stuff but I don't have to go to court," he says.) I was uninterested in having a meaty conversation with him and it dawned on me that I do not see him as any kind of a role-model to my future children. When looking at a $450,000 condo this afternoon, Jeff said to Vic (while petting his face), "If you loved me, you'd buy me that." They proceeded to wrassle in the back seat. The PDA was making me ill. I will never PDA again!! There has been lots and lots of inappropriate PDA, lots of Jeff talking seemingly to hear himself say uneducated assumptions and more of Vic being bossy.
This afternoon I tried hard to figure out what Vic sees in him. It dawned on me: Jeff always lets Vic call the shots, does not press issues, and always lets Vic be right. Vic has a tremendous need to be right. (Sometimes he is, sometimes he isn't.) All of this creates the perfect relationship for Vic: it meets his needs entirely.
I have my fingers crossed that Vic will outgrow Jeff, as clearly Jeff is stunted someplace between 16 and 20. It seems that Jeff loves Vic more than Vic loves him (although, what do I know?). It is just disappointing to me. I had really hoped that I would like him, that I would want him for our family. I am sad that I don't. He just doesn't fit. A while back I asked Mom what she thought and she said, "Well, um, he's nice, um, he is a good person." I get why she didn't have more to say at the time.
Will anyone ever be good enough for my little baby brother? I'll be nice, I'll be kind, I'll send them off tonight on a date (to leave me the hell alone!) but I am pretty sure that Jeff isn't good enough for Victor. But I will say this is their credit, they seem happy.
And maybe a piece of me begrudges them that.
I go home tomorrow evening. My own bed will be a welcome sight.
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Old Married Lady
And now, I'm old enough for that. - Thursday, Mar. 10, 2005
I don't get it! - Saturday, Feb. 26, 2005
Stardom - Saturday, Feb. 12, 2005
many neuroses - Saturday, Feb. 05, 2005
the week of missed connections - Sunday, Jan. 30, 2005
Miss Spunky is:
a 25 year old English teacher currently on an extended adventure in Minnesota, searching for a good man with a big... truck!
I love:
My students, excessive amounts of coffee, Baja Fresh and a good hockey game.
I dislike:
Ignorance, mosquitoes, and people who write in IM and/or grammar so poor that it is clear that they are lazy. IM is LAZY, LAZY do you hear me???