Drank a cup o' reality at 6:40 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 19, 2003
Sorting. I’m just sorting everything. And my brain is running too hard and too fast and it all isn’t’ quite sorting out. There are so many things that I am so excited about and so many more that totally SUCK! I’ve been talking and talking and probably talking too much. It feels like I need a main line of Indigo Girls; damnit I left my CD’s at work.
So much happened, and so fast, and I really think sooner than maybe it should have.
I am counting my eggs before they have hatched. What if talking about it jinxes it.
And I want this. I really want this. I want this in a real way. In a take it Home, Mom will love it, unconditional way.
Marty Math Teacher.
So, he skates it out on the ice; he coaches it out; he sweats it out. I know, because he told me as much. His shit will be skated out. I hope it doesn’t take too long.
Because that is ALL we are waiting on: his shit.
For once, I’m not the one with the shit to be sorted. My shit is just fine. I’m not the one with anything to figure out. I know exactly what I want, how to get it and what I plan to do with it.
Marty Math Teacher and I have been spending more and more time together. We have discussed each other with our mutual friends. He likes me. He wants to date me. He isn’t entirely finished with a 3-year affair that he has been in. With a 45 year old woman.
I don’t even want to say all of that because the last part makes him sound like an ass. But, I have to say that based on the way he has been treating me, he definitely is not an ass. He wants out. But, we both know that he needs to leave for his own reasons, not just to be with me.
Friday night he came home with me. We talked for 3 hours. We talked about everything. About our families, our educations, our traditions, what we want out of life, our goals, our hurts and what we want from each other. We know all of each other’s shit and accept it, understand it and are ok with it.
In the sweetest way ever, he asked me to ‘please wait’ for him.
I said I would.
We kissed and kissed and kissed.
I felt all of those things that I love… the racing heart, the flutter, and the breathlessness. Then I felt that thing I hate… the fear. I terrified, in a way I’ve never been before (yes, The Farmer gave me that kind of fear) that I’ll turn my back, trust, believe, hope, and love all to have the rug pulled out from under me.
We have a great friendship. All of this is made harder by the fact that we work together; that we have this fabulous chemistry, this tremendous sexual tension (validated by the kissing!); and that all those who surround us want us to be together.
The waiting will be the hardest.
He called me on all of my crap. My defensiveness. He said I have a ‘strong personality.’ He told me how ‘becoming’ he finds me.
I would stay here with him. No, he doesn’t need to know that yet.
I’m gonna’ hate her by the time this is all over.
Marty Math Teacher is it… he is who I’ve been looking for. (Gretchen even likes him!) The shit is that I have to wait… and that waiting is gonna’ kill me!
Suddenly, The Farmer seems so long ago… so wrong for me…
Marty and I are going to spend a lot of time, while he is sorting out his shit, working on our friendship. Enjoying each other. Hopefully building a strong base.
Friday night was amazing. Unpredicted. The ramifications are tremendous.
Dear God, help him with his shit. Help him sort it out quickly and cleanly. If You want this for us, help it happen and help it all happen the right way. Help me be as patient as possible. Oh Please!
Sorting. Waiting. Sorting. Hoping. Sorting. Trusting.
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Old Married Lady
And now, I'm old enough for that. - Thursday, Mar. 10, 2005
I don't get it! - Saturday, Feb. 26, 2005
Stardom - Saturday, Feb. 12, 2005
many neuroses - Saturday, Feb. 05, 2005
the week of missed connections - Sunday, Jan. 30, 2005
Miss Spunky is:
a 25 year old English teacher currently on an extended adventure in Minnesota, searching for a good man with a big... truck!
I love:
My students, excessive amounts of coffee, Baja Fresh and a good hockey game.
I dislike:
Ignorance, mosquitoes, and people who write in IM and/or grammar so poor that it is clear that they are lazy. IM is LAZY, LAZY do you hear me???